The Pican Dialogues: Reprise
Paul Nachbar
For
those who have not had a chance to look at my earlier Pican Dialogues, a
series of science fiction chapters which I may or may not organize into a
more coherent work...you can find them under the 'poetry' forums at the
Cerebrals Society or else please contact me. To refresh the memories of
those who have seen these, or to introduce those who are new to this work
, I will just state that the "action" occurs on the Planet Pico, located
in the Andromeda galaxy, several million light years from earth's sun.
Among the characters are a couple of Pican scientists as well as The
Master, a rather unusual character/creature who actually rules Pico in a
rather, um, indirect manner..Eventually, in three billion years or so,
when astonomers anticipate that Andromeda will collide with the Milky Way,
our own galaxy, the Picans are planning major and enlightening events for
humankind.. Enough of that..well, just something to look forward to , as
they (sometimes) say..
Pican Dialogue 5 (?): Reprise
(I)
It is late evening on Planet Pico and a father and son are sitting on the
vast lawns in front of the structures inhabited by The Master and ,
naturally, his protectors. In the multicolored glow of dusk, amidst the
three suns each setting at a different rate, the father is trying to
explain, with patience but some tinge of exasperation, a simple lesson in
computer animation to his young son who doesn't quite 'get it'----yet.
"Johhano, please try to listen to me, okay?"
"Yes....Dad". The child, anxious to understand, but still a child and
filled with distractions, pouted slightly.
"Okay, then, you've seen me program this sequence before, right?"
"Yes...Dad"
"And...?"
"Well it's really really interesting dad, but I ...just can't do it.
I'm too dumb."
The father patted his son gently on the cheek and bade him confront the
small round computer display screen on both their laps.."Here...."
"Ohh...I see"
"And then, just do it there? Okay."
"Simple, it looks easy...."
"Don't think, just do it."
"But it's so hard...it's soooo haard.."
"Just think, the hypersphere goes in the hypercube, the hypersphere goes
out of the hypercube.. Say it!"
The child looked upon the rotating displays on the screen and once again
pouted..
"Just do it darling"
"Okay....daddy.."
He took a deep breath, puffed out his reddish green cheeks and then, with
a flutter of chubby young fingers, initiated the sequence...which led to a
choppy but , to the father, altogether adequate version of this elementary
exercise..
"I did it!!!" "I did it!!"
"Yes, you did son.."
"And it seemed so....impossible.."
"Ah, so much to learn, my child..."
"Whaa?" asked his son, fearing the worst possible wisdom from his father's
correction.
"No, no, don't worry..Here, on Pico, nothing is impossible.
And that is what there is ...what is so much to learn. Okay?"
"Nothing?"
"Nothing. You are very young and that is very good...but..
nothing.."
The father and child sat together, the son hugging his father's legs, his
arm around all of the son's shoulders both silently gazing past the
luminous leaves through the clouds, the setting orbs, the slowly appearing
stars and constellations and all that was visible in the lovely skies that
night on Planet Pico.
(II)
The Master was restless and although he had not changed his shape for over
a week, his container quivered with anxiety. For three days or more he had
not opened his eyes, though it was clear to his protectors that at times
they seemed strained with some effort of unvoiced concentration. But now,
as The Master had been so quiet, they were quite busy at the other end of
the corridor wrapped in a philosophical conversation they both considered
quite profound but which has vanished, like much else which happens and
which we deem important into the winds...
"The house...."said The Master. "The house, the home, the place..the
house. Where? When? Just the house, that house, that place, then? Now? My
house?"
"The place...the terrible terrible place. The house. Just a house.
The terrible place. They crucified, they poisoned, they tortured, they
scapegoated, they lied...they lied..they lied..they lied..to me."
"The persecutors...they slaved me, beat me...plagues...their
curses..starved, bound, beaten, cornered , neutralized.. betrayed....lied
..They lied, they lied, they lied.."
The Master's eyes opened wide and wider---an inch, two inches....half a
foot, a foot, three feet...filling the whole space of his
container..pupils anxiously quivering in their jelly dark, darker than the
deepest black hole...
"Assassins...rebels..criminals...villains...exilers..liars..liars..."
"Just a house? A house? Only in a house? When, when, when? Everytime?
Then? Now!!! No...no house.."
"Then....? Only then.."
"Ah, closed closed dark endless night of finite spaces...pain..in That
House..no light? none? some!!! Cramped, entangled, warped spaces..can't
breathe..can't think...can't hear...can't see..can't cogitate...can't
imagine...grey and white..no colors..nothing...something?"
"Not just the House? More? More and more? Everything? No, it was just...a
splinter..Light..ahhh...more light..spinning..hahaha
ahhh..more...space..light..beautiful!!! beautiful!!!"
The Master's eyes had returned to their normal size and his expression had
relaxed..He seemed to nod to himself almost rhythmically, silently except
to himself ...and then "In...fin...ite"
"Not the house....the in...fin...ite.." And then he smiled and apparantly
went off to a long, deep, unclouded sleep.
III
It was already night and a billion billion stars were out. As always at
this time, and especially on hollidays, which naturally were nearly all
the time, the master fireworks displayers had arranged a special show for
those who cared to pass by. Against the black sky and the streaks of
glittering stars...you saw the shimmering popping brilliant clouds of
fireworks, which occasioned the delight of adults as well as children. And
then of course the music...but of that what can one say? The music is the
music is the music...
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The Case for Anti-Semetism
- Paul Nachbar
Issues
of the Middle East --Judaism, Christianity and Islam, Zionism and
Palestine, Imperialism, Colonialism, the struggle for national identity as
well as justice for individuals and nations--- have naturally popped up
and at times taken center stage here, in groups far removed from any
direct political conflict. As always, whether in what I would regard as a
Major Issue --- can there be genuine peace?--or a Minor Issue-- you're not
perceiving me, you're perceiving an "American Jew from New York"--I have
staunchly --and perhaps somewhat boringly--taken a gung-ho humanistic,
liberal and mostly pro-Israeli stance. Well, enough of that..
Here, I thought it would be interesting, instead of confronting the
beast (or at least one of them) head on, to take the devil's advocate
point of view and express--in
language which I will inform you now to be a total lie---the case against
Jews, Israel, the West, democracy, etc. The amazing thing about this --I
am writing this introduction after having composed the essay--is how easy
it is to genuinely distort things and appeal to the baser instincts of the
reader. Of course, there are perhaps many who would substantially agree
with this essay, though few would argue openly a "Case for Anti-Semitism"...I
implore them to please correct some of the details I may have missed in
their argument..after all, as I have always been the first to admit, I am
very very far from perfect..
Paul Nachbar
They are different from the rest of us and I know best what this means.
Although, out of our great kindness, they have benefited from the
benevolence of our Christian Institutions---and have, in fact, piggybacked
their way to no small manner of international success-- they are not yet
'among us.' They are different, aloof, prefer to stick to themselves and
their own ideas, to intermarry amongst themselves; among themselves, they
conspire against our gentle institutions, despite our good nature. Indeed,
when one Jew succeeds in a particular field, whether journalism or
business, he opens the door wide so that others will follow, until he
succeeds in wresting control through vicious competition with you, the
naive friendly open Christians. Indeed, is not the press of the United
States--and other countries---secretly just part of their arsenal? Is not
the international banking system under their control. Awake, oh
unconscious members of the superior races: the enemy is inside your door.
Here of course the Jew--always the eternal Jew--exaggerates his plight
and we know that. Have we not publicly apologized for the excesses of Mr
Hitler, that madman from the long, long distant past? Have not our most
benevolent historians not written massive tomes detailing his individual
peculiarity, his distance from the good ones, the evolved and free and
friendly ones, that is, the rest of us? Thus it is out of mere deceit and
malice that the Jew reminds us of these long past catastrophes which were
really nobody's fault at all. Let us see in these whines and complaints
not the external visage, which is in fact moving to the sympathetic
bystander, but the internal motivations: selfishness, clannishness, a
desire to overthrow the goodness of the existing order, a parasitical
nature peculiar to his race and to the ethics expressed in the Old
Testament. Let us move on, that is, to the present... to more important
things...though we shall sigh for a moment in remembrace of those six
million Jews slaughtered by this madman---among the tens of millions of
other Europeans who died of the tyrannies of a former era. They are no
longer important and these facts...have nothing to do with our present
concerns..
Here, once again, under our naive protection, the Jew has established
himself through theft and murder and deceit in Palestine, that which he
alone calls Israel.
Once again, under the facade of democracy, of humanism and of liberalism,
he has deceived us, again with the aid, to be sure, of the Jewish press.
Arise, oh Christians yet to be informed of what truly is, and understand
how this somewhat sympathetic victim---or sympathetic for a day---has
dispossessed a truly good people, the Muslims, who have been, in all that
is important at this time, far more compatible with our values and
interests. And besides, there are 1.2 billion of them and only a small
handfull of Jews. Here you must look deep and ignore the existence of Arab
parties in the Israeli government: this is mere treachery. Here you must
look beneath the veil of supposed freedom which has existed in Palestine
and see the genuine core of things: a small, fanatical group which has
conspired to undermine and rule Christiandom, not to speak of the rest of
the world, for thousands of years.
Let not their surface appearances deceive you: they are the culpable ones
as your fathers and your father's fathers had realized long ago.
Here, of course, with your modernistic sentiments induced mostly by
the Jewish press, you might feel revulsion at certain elements of the
Muslim world: the capital and corporal punishment which exists in nearly
all Arab legal systems; the willingness of Arab leaders to rule for
decades by virtual fiat; and the regrettable tendency in certain
countries, such as Iraq and Lebanon, for leaders to simply exterminate an
unpopular minority; and the tendency of Arab countries to accept
generations of Soviet aid. But you must understand--and can only
understand this if you look deeply into the problem-- that such concepts
are altogether foreign to Islam, which has always been a totally peaceful
religion--unlike Judaism to be sure---and are mostly due to the negative
influence of Western imperialism. Yes, oh kind, sensitive and educated
Christian: you know full well, and feel responsible for it, that many of
your cultural victories were at the cost of brutality. And you know full
well that cultures subjected to the iron boot of imperialism find it
almost impossible to recover..
Yes, of course it is difficult for you, since you might think about
the catastrophe of September 11, 2001 in New York City. What, you might
ask yourself, would happen if they decided to bomb US? But rest assured
that those 3000 some odd
lives that were lost represent only a plea for help and reason in a world
which has viciously turned against Islam and Arabs per se, which is the
only real and dangerous form of anti-Semitism. After all, if you appeal
to the deceived and stupid government of the United States to listen to
reason, to simply abandon 'their' Israel which is the vision only of a
disloyal and treacherous minority, then you would have nothing to worry
about. Think how easy things would be then and how peaceful.
An Israel cut off from this corrupt American aid would simply be
annihilated by the virtuous and victimized democratic majority. And though
one might shed a tear or two for such lives lost in the rough free-for-all
that nations are accustomed to, it really would not be your
responsibility, after all. For, to be reasonable now---did they
intermarry with you, did they adopt your values, did they adhere to your
ideas of how they were supposed to act in a Christian Civilization? Here,
you may answer the question yourselves...guiltlessly to be sure.
And then of course, while not all wrongs may be righted, it is clear
that our actions will radically influence the Arab world. There is no
justification in the Koran
for extremist acts, as anybody (who has not read the book) can see: it is
only our extreme policies which would produce a bin Laden or a Sadaam
Hussein. Let us forgive, let us forget, let us bury the hatchet. And then
the Christian and the rising and healthy Muslim worlds may be at one, with
free and happy trade among the victorious (eg., surviving) partners. And
here you may lay rest your conscience,
for if there are victims in this exchange, it is altogether clear that
they brought it down upon themselves....and if not, well, who would
possibly care? The world certainly does not., as is self-evident..
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Toy
Soldiers/Goods and Services - Paul Nachbar
(1)
Yesterday, I had a discussion with my neighbor and offline friend, Donny.
Usually the discussion flows very well between us, but this time, like a
couple of other times, we were at an impasse, telling the other in pretty
blunt terms that he was not listening here. Somehow, in the hours that
followed, I had an inspiration; when Donny and I stopped by a 99 cent
store on the way home from dinner, I picked up a bag of plastic toy
soldiers, maybe 30 altogether, fixed in various positions and each about
two inches tall. Then, we went came back to my apartment, we replayed the
discussion while making reference to the toy soldiers.
This is a bit strange, eh? Two guys in their forties playing with toy
soldiers. Well, maybe not: when the leaders of an army are engaged in
strategic thinking, they often use such models. Here, of course, Donnie
and I, who would both be considered on the injured list, are not making
global strategies but fighting for psychological survival. Both of us are
rather peaceful fellows who are not that fond of conflict; both of us
have to one degree or another, been victimized by a system (and perhaps
they are to some degree all the same) which rewards so-called
aggressiveness and punishes so-called passivity. But since we were
obviously in charge of these toy soldiers, whom we variously called the
'Israelis' and the 'Palestinians' , the 'Americans', 'Corporation A' and 'Corporation B'and the "terrorists' or, to bring back a little of fairly
recent history, ' the Americans' and the 'Soviets', we had some power, at
least, in this limited domain. That is we were moving them around and were
not being moved around ourselves by orders of authority or some
'vast social forces ' like 'supply and demand.'
Anyway, not sure where this leads...exactly..but it was clear to me
that the 'good guys' and the 'bad guys' looked pretty much the same. That
is, when you owned the toy soldiers you made the rules and were not , for
instance, moved by a movie script into heroicizing- or guiltily
denigrating - your own side...or demonizing the other side. Well, our
arguments from earlier were mostly resolved in a creative and
commonsensical manner...That is, to quote mental health system bullshit,
the modality was effective.
(2)
I don't know if the world is mad or it's me at times, or both. Certainly,
if I am mad, my madness has been more painful to me generally than the
madness of the world eg., that which you supposedly 'cannot change'. And
here, as per every authority and expert that I know of, the solution is in
my hands. Well, maybe true, maybe not...
Anyway, Donny is not working at present and I am working 7.5 hours per
week as a poet, which is not what most folks would call working. Poets, to
reiterate my statements of many previous posts, are creatures
who are expected to be.... somewhat out of the picture, in some ivory
tower, or from some mysterious foreign land...heroic...or victims...or
perhaps examples of some chemical imbalance. Well, one thing is for sure,
in a world which is dedicated to what might euphemistically be called the
production of goods and services, poets--and an unemployed man of
seemingly good physical health, Donny--are in a quandary. We are not
'useful' to society; we are not engaged in those 'real world' battles over
efficiency, productivity, responsibility, reality, etc..That is , we are
marginal.. ain't we? Since poetry is not exactly a good or a
service and the folks with sufficient IQ to understand such poems usually
do not have the dollars ready to throw them at the producing poets.
Well, to be brief for a change, the 'real world' of 'goods and services'
does not seem too bad when one owns the collection of plastic soldiers and
when one is not simply a piece to be moved here or there at will in
somebody else's collection. Yes, there is something to be said for
'heroic' experience in the economy, for surviving the mad dash for
efficiency or profit or whatever...but owning the soldiers gives you a new
perspective. Uh, by the way, the bag of plastic soldiers cost $1.09.
Back To Top
Ah, Freedom...
- Paul Nachbar
It is a place --and I won't specify where ---where you are told over and
over again how free you are. It is a place without obvious restraints or
shackles, instruments of torture, brutal-looking guards in uniforms,
visible whips, chains etc etc. In fact, a list of your freedoms and
responsibilities is often publicly posted in an obvious place. You are not
told where this list comes from, except with the vaguest of terms, but it
is pretty clear if only implicitly that you cannot change a single item on
that list. It is also quite clear and apparent that the list is a rather
idealized and formal thing, filled with formal language which you did not
of course write and which has virtually nothing to do with the everyday
reality of this place. That is, you know that if you do what you are
cajoled or told to do, in even, calm though quite repetitive tones, that
everything will be okay. But if you violate any of the perhaps thousands
of rules which are not written down---and which are nowhere specified in
that often touted list of freedoms and responsibilities , then you are apt
to be in big trouble. You also know, since everybody or nearly everybody
apparently obeys the mysterious
authority which never quite shows itself publicly, that there is nobody on
your side, who would be willing to stick out his or her neck for your
sake. They are
'too busy'; they have other 'pressing affairs'; they are preoccupied with
'practical matters'...and have no time for you. Besides, if they raised a
peep or looked
the wrong way when you were nabbed for one or another vague and
inappropriate action, they would be subject to the same punishment or
worse----since
their agreement with you would constitute a conspiracy against any
authority which ran this place.
Here, as I have hinted, the torment and instruments of punishment are
mainly psychological. That is, they leave no scars, no traces.
Occasionally, one or another of the folks who run this place will inform
you, with some pride, how much "evolution" there has been in similar
institutions. Obviously then, since you do not perceive this "evolution"
in the slightest, this must mean that you are reactionary in your point of
view, which is distorted or defective. They will, in a calm, educated
manner, point out how in previous times and in other places, horrible
things did occur, but certainly not here. They will, in a calm and
educated manner point out that "others" are not at all affected by what
you perceive as a strange and oppressive ambiance and will confide in you,
playing to your sense of superiority, that "most people" are indeed
"unconscious of such things." Perhaps they will even cite as evidence an
opinion poll among the other residents of this place, polls which
generally suggest that from 85% to 100% of the residents found their
situation completely to their approval. And, if you are not convinced by
such a document, which is belayed by every whispered comment made by the
other residents --things they will of course not repeat in public--- they
will, with some degree of appropriate irritation, make remarks about your
weakness, hypersensitivity, self-pity, propensity to blaming others for
your problems, attitude, lack of character.....all factors in your makeup
which are highly subjective, not provable either way of course except in
the eyes of the beholder. And you know here that your comments ---which
they jump on in 2 seconds for any minute errors in logic that would be
acceptable in any other context--or your observations really ,simply, do
not count here. That is, they count for....nothing.
The people who run this place, whom you are generally though not always
encouraged to address on a first name basis, are very, very concerned
about you--your health, your functioning, your well-being. They do not
wish you to ingest any substances which may affect your thinking, except
those perhaps which the kind
doctors that they occasionally call upon will prescribe. They do not wish
you to read anything which is too upsetting, particularly books which
relate to what they would regard as "old history" or "old grievances." No,
they do not of course ban such things outright, but they do their best
---and this is almost always effective --
to make you feel as if your general curiosity about the history or
philosophy or reality of this place was somehow odd, eccentric and very,
very bizarre..After all, what you see is what you get and....are things
REALLY so bad?
If you are uneducated or have come from hunger, the place is , of
course, something of a land of opportunity except that you know where you
stand in the eyes of the kind people who are in control. If you are
uneducated or not terribly verbal, you tremble before their power and are
ashamed of your trembling, though you know that you cannot win any
argument against such folks since you do not have the tools. You do the
small, light labor that you generally "volunteer" for with extra effort,
often spending hours at a cleaning task , for instance, which a
reasonable person, or a person who was not here.....would casually perform
in ten minutes. You know your impulses are brutal, you know your anger is
just below the surface, but you have no way to think things through. So
you simply repeat the same behaviors, ever watchful for the disapproving
eye. And you play the child with the kind authorities,
exposing all of your tender --and mostly concocted--problems (as opposed to the real ones)--in order to avoid punishments. Not
to do so is folly since you know, despite the civilized atmosphere of the
place, that you have no rights whatsoever.. Best here to play the
subordinate role with gusto, to praise the kind overseers to their faces,
to lower one's eyes before the authorities and above all, to keep all of
one's possessions and language very very simple and very very plain. To
play the religious naif, for instance and talk endlessly about one's
attempts to be good and the lovely prospect of a heaven beyond all of
this.... mostly acceptable earthly domain. To read the bible, or look as if
one is reading the bible, watch one's language at all times and above all
else, maintain purity and simplicity of speech before those who can well
punish you if they chose to do so.
Ah, if you are educated, however, or intelligent, you know that there
are problems --as I had indicated. You know that your thinking is clear
and you know what the game is here and you become what they term
"cynical", "apathetic" or "nihilistic"----the terms of psychological abuse
used for intelligent residents.
They will take one look at your expressive face, whether you say anything
or not and immediately assert their authority with one slightly sharp
suggestion or another. And then they will offer you, in words that are
quite vague and completely insincere, a "choice".. You of course respect
this since you are not, deep down, a slave and dislike the "necessary"
infringements upon your freedom here. You have, they tell you in private,
the necessary intelligence to rise in the ranks, to cease being a mere
resident or "child" and become one of the "gang", one of "us", one of the
"decision-makers".
Of course, they add, this will take a great great deal of work,
meaning education, but you respect education-- at least in theory--and
half-want to go along with it.
Besides, it is clear, given their confiding in you in this manner, that
merely being just another resident in this place is dissatisfying. Why be
just one among many when one can, with the enormous effort of education,
earn the ability to crack the psychological whip? And beyond this ability
, of course, are the obvious rewards of additional income. As a
whip-cracker, one can earn a great deal more than the ordinary polishers
and cleaners, cooks and bottle washers. Is that not an attractive future,
in a place where, privately speaking though of course not publicly, nobody
has any sense of any believable or enjoyable future?
Here, of course, according to the written laws, everything is a matter
of free choice. There, you can see your rights and responsibilities listed
right in front of everybody. And, well, you have been singled out, too.
YOU have the ability to "improve" your circumstances; why are you not
doing so? YOU are not like the others who are less capable and whom,
according to them, you cannot possibly relate to. Indeed, if you are
entangled with them, it is very clear to everybody concerned that you are
simply using people of lesser abilities and acting beneath yourself. Yes,
alas, and whether such accusations are true or not, they are almost
irresistible. YOU have a conscience; YOU do not wish to use others; YOU do
not wish to live with an accusation of this sort which has the slightest
bit of merit to it because you essentially do not hierarchies amongst
people, at least not of the artificial (seemingly) variety. But of course,
as the kind if somewhat sarcastic authorities whisper to you, 'this is
sheer idealism' on your part. And what could be worse than that?
Ah, what can you do, you mutter to yourself: rebel or conform? Both
are rather futile because rebellion is crushed without complaint from the
others within ten seconds ---or crushed within you by an endless process
of repetition of their psychological "observations" regarding your crimes
and misdemeanors...and conformity is without pleasure. You are tempted to
join the authorities here , since it seems to be the only option, but this
would be a destruction of your self.
So you flounder, half-obeying and half-disobeying, half accumulating the
credentials you need to free yourself from an unspoken tyranny and half
tossing them away into the waste bin of your personal errors. Obviously,
you are not getting anywhere here, are neither fish nor fowl, but what can
you do? They tell you that there is something wrong with your thinking,
with your speaking, with your presentation. You wonder, of course, what
any of this has to do with the actual situation but then you are, as they
whisperingly remind you --off the record --completely alone here: "we do
not write these things down" and "there is nobody on your side."
In any event , you frustrate yourself enormously and have now become
a virtual prisoner of your anger, fear and pain. You are not...anything..despite
the daily assurances of all the others that you deeply, deeply matter to
the rest. You are afraid that you might become, because of such deep
sensitivity and passion, what they refer to as a "danger to self and
others". Ah, and then you will be truly punished, though naturally without
the whips and chains. You will be forcibly isolated from other people
except for your guardians; you will be forced to repeat, over and over,
the lessons regarding virtues which you obviously have either forgotten or
never learned: stability, obedience, consistency...in the most primitive
ways possible under the circumstances. And you will be forcibly given
various chemical substances which both "calm you down" for the sake of
"adequate functioning" as well as diminish all sensitivity and passion.
This of course, in your brooding confusion, is a matter of deepest
dread..and everything is now a risk, even the slightest slip in terms of
what they kindly regard as being 'performance.'
Best here --they tell you and you begin to believe--to distract
yourself, watch mass entertainment on the television and particularly
sports, beauty contests, shows which figure ideal or comic versions of the
nuclear family but which are not controversial . Best here to watch plenty
of sports, whether or not you ever enjoyed sports. Best here, given the
intensity and duration of your pain, to desensitize yourself to situations
which others, quite obviously, would be completely oblivious to. After
all, do NORMAL people dwell on the past? No, you do not see any normal
people dwelling on the past...they are far too busy with highly important
affairs of their own..Heck, in the marathon of life, they are all passing
you by...and what's your excuse here? Only self-indulgence if you want the
prevailing opinion. There, go read a book on this particular subject---and
there is a whole library of such books, maybe even endless libraries..
Occasionally, if you survive this --which many do not-- you will get
the kindly confidence of one of the people who run this place, perhaps an
administrator :"I do not know anybody who is doing what they want to do
with their life" or even "you're stronger than you think". Of course such
remarks were never uttered, since there is nothing wrong with the picture
here except your own sensitivity, childishness, moodiness, etcetera.
Perhaps these difficulties with "reality" even constitute a kind of
dyslexia? While others read experience forwards and in sequence, you
jumble the letters and are not perceiving things as they clearly are. You
will also remember the advice you had heard at an earlier stage from one
of the kindly staff, that it is "all ultimately up to you."Well, this
connotes both possibility as well as a type of inevitable pessimism. After
all, how strong is any particular individuality when it is not daily
affirmed and confirmed by the group? How much can anybody really change
his or her lot beyond, say, the measurable factors of income or
frequencies --though not quality- of social contact? And what examples can
you point to of anybody who has accomplished this vague, rather nebulous
goal? Christ, Socrates--martyrs of faith and reason in life, though
celebrated in death..But you are not...by nature....a believer, though you
would occasionally like to be. Because, quite frankly, you are just not
simple.
You function, you do not chose this or that, you obey to the extent
that you can stomach it yet your mind is a haze and you know that and that
is a source of pain. Perhaps you write some poems about the whole
experience...Yet you know, not being one of those who were, as they say
'born yesterday' (do any of these
folks REALLY exist?) that you cannot perform the miracle of transforming
'the poem', that ostensibly subjective statement, into one's daily bread
and wine, loaves of fish etc. You despair perhaps, flounder again or
perhaps experience a 'writer's block'...this is presuming you got far
enough to actually call yourself a writer, which is an act of no small
arrogance, and not simply another victim of a situation beyond one's own
small powers of control. And how can you truly call yourself a writer
anyway, when it is clear that the only reality here is those who tell
others what to do and those who must do as they are told? And what is
writing anyway, but ...words,
words, words?
(to be continued) Paul
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An Essay on Worry -
by
Paul Nachbar
Some people worry
about the environment, others worry about social
injustice. While others worry about economic matters: their profit
and loss; their wages and salaries; their failure or success;their
getting or keeping a job, or even having the basic necessities of
life.
Some people worry about perfection or the ideal. Others worry about
good versus evil. Many worry about the spread of disbelief - or of
belief-- in one particular idea or another. Others simply worry about
crime. There are those who worry about - or for - the rich, the poor
and the middle class--and about - or for- this or that institution:
the family, the state, the church, the city, the industry etc.
Some people worry about the terrible effects of war; others, if one
can imagine it, worry about the terrible effects of peace. Some worry
about the end of the world or even the beginning of a new one. There
are those who worry about the past, the present and the future, in
one manner or another.
Some people worry about their looks, their height, their age,
their personality, behavior, values, ability, intelligence etc.
Others worry about disease or accident. Some worry about death while
others naturally worry about life. And of course some worry about
Major Things and others about Minor Things, and there are those who
mistake worries about Major Things for Minor Things and vice versa.
And there are those of course who profess no worries. Maybe some of
these tell the truth-I'm not really sure.
Having worried about all these things, I now worry about myself.
Is this so vain, in a world of wants and needs, to worry simply
about the self, whatever THAT may be? Is this so SELFISH or
egotistic?? Now I don't think so, for I realize that what I had
deemed to be an angry, bitter, often cruel chorus of criticism from
others-and I mean over many years, even decades--has also been worry
about me, particularly that I become "me" and that this "me" is
necessary, at least to some, as "they" are necessary to "me." And
in this I think- or hope- there is a "good"- or that there can be.
Yours,
Paul
The Worrier in Chief lol
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Below is an
autobiographical fragment: -
Paul Nachbar
For years I was preoccupied with a beautiful woman I had met for maybe
an hour. I drew her picture, which I subsequently lost; I obsessed about
her; at one point I called her father to try to make contact with her, an
attempt that failed; and then ultimately I called her college alumni
service and found out that she had not only married but had changed her
first name to a Hebrew name. In other words, she disappeared. I tried to
look her up on the internet and in fact spent hours doing so, without
success. She disappeared. Her name was Annie Hurowitz, a slightly unusual
name which I found again yesterday --not her, but somebody else by that
name--on the cover of an enormously thick book documenting the persecution
of the Jews
in Nazi-Occupied France.
Here it was spelled Anny, by the way, and showed up in a reproduction
of the identity papers of a little girl. I guess one cannot escape.
history, though I have certainly tried to do so, in typical American
style, by every means possible.. I didn't read through this volume to see
what had happened to her, whether she had survived or not. I was too sad.
But she was, I guess, the cover girl for a book about the virtual
extinguishing of a culture, a book which appeared to be very well put
together, read perhaps by a few intellectuals and probably disregarded en
masse, without any specific mention, by a "popular", that is, mostly
Christian, audience. It was one of those things that "we don't want to
hear about", "we" being both the folks who live two miles from me in a
very affluent town called Garden City as well as the "common man", who's
had enough of his own persecution and doesn't want to hear even more about
the unpleasant fate of a people--or race, he still believes, or affluent
snobbish elite, he imagines, or somewhat "deviant" though mostly tolerated
religion--who are, in his view, not only "doing better than him", but are
probably, in his view, among the forces behind his degradation in a
capitalist society which is, at times, viciously competitive and, in any
case, offers him. little genuine protection. Easy to blame it still, in
emotional terms, on the same minority which the despised Hitler had tried
to exterminate.
He is no Hitler, of course,--and no Stalin too- and is horrified by any
association behind his "common sense" sociology about "the Jews" and the
Great Murders in Europe.which had "nothing to do with him." Besides, the
whole subject forces him to "think" too much and he resents that because
"thinking" of course, does not pay in our "modern" and "consensual"
democracy. Thinking "too much" will make him unpopular, it will lead to
the atheistic and communistic notions which are but an unholy tease to
him, or perhaps violence or the "passivity" of Eastern religions
which go against the grain of all his upbringing; it will erode his
morale, it will lead him to think of "negative" subjects in a time and
place where this is uncalled for, unpatriotic and above all, impractical.
. And besides, all these things happened a long time ago and we all know
in America that it's best not to "dwell on the past" or talk about "old
history." So, he'll pick up another beer, or another joint, or another
cigarette, or another pill his psychiatrist had prescribed for him --isn't
everybody seeing a psychiatrist these days, even the working man?- maybe
even his guitar, or another copy of some glossy rag he certainly doesn't
respect but reads anyway, and choke down his feelings because his feelings
aren't called for.and nobody would listen anyway because "nobody is on his
side," not the press, not the experts, not higher management which has
somehow gotten it's teeth into so much of the social pie, not those
laughable organizations which still call themselves "unions" and certainly
not the successful professional women whom he half admires and half fears
who are busy trying to break through the "glass ceiling" in whatever
industry. and certainly, except in a fantasy movie like "Dirty Dancing" ,
do NOT side with him., in fact, treat him somewhat like an insect., albeit
one who might "improve" through goal-based
psychological counseling.
This of course has nothing to do with my Annie, right, who wasn't "mine"
to
begin with except that she had posed for a portrait, told me that SHE was
"great"
whereas her friend Jill was very "self-destructive" and had no
"concentration." The
Annie who had gotten her bachelors at Harvard in cognitive psychology and
who
seemed so well-organized, though I had met her at a program for people
with
"psychiatric disabilities".? Who, later, it turned out, had married --and
most of
these folks did NOT get married or reproduce --an orthodox, perhaps even
Hassidic, that is, "reactionary" Jew- despite her intensive and
"Americanized" education.? And why should I "go for" Annie anyway, though
of course this
was an affair led mostly in my imagination? Why should I be so romantic
here
and of course, the impliciation being, dedicated to "my own kind"? Weren't
there "plenty of other girls"; why should I be so "preoccupied with this
one"?
Wasn't I being "too sensitive"? And why, anyway, did I not , at the time,
actively pursue Annie as a suitor, which was of course the "practical"
thing to do?
Between Jill and Annie, Annie of course was the one who looked healthy,
well put-together, lovely, etc., though as Jill, at one time her friend,
put it, "Annie had never worked..." I do not know if this were true or not, but it
was a damning remark (to be continued...maybe)
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[picosociety]
"It's Only High IQ Drivel But I Like It..
I LikeIt..(I Guess?)
-
Paul Nachbar
Quite often though
not with great seriousness- I wish that I had been born into another time
and place. "Another time and place" means either, depending on my mood, a
time and place which was more exciting or one which was more peaceful, or
at least more peaceful in terms of those conflicts I find very irritating
in our "modern" times.
For instance, I occasionally wish that I had been born into a time and
place before that great instition of Modern Psychology- or Modern
Psychiatry for that matter-
had been invented. There, according to my fantasy, I would have been
untroubled by a whole host of innovations which form some of the dominant
topics of discussion here and elsewhere...
And then of course I never would have heard of such concepts as
standard deviation, the norm, range and domain, GPA, Most Competitive
Colleges, aptitude, achievement, regression to the mean, precocity,
supergenius,genius, talent, giftedness, superior, average, retardation,
behaviorism, experiments with mazes and rats, animal testing, ADD, MPD,
OCD, schizophrenia, manic-depression, narcissism, mourning, only-child
syndrome, personality disorder, schizogenic families, special education,
workaholism, dysfunctional families, juvenile delinquency, autism with its
variations ,behaviors, DSMIV, factor analysis, correlations,
transference, counter-transference, repression, sublimation, regression,
idealization, internalization, identification, suppression, aggression,
passivity, alienation, anomie, agitation, stress, sex-roles, the Peter Pan
syndrome, passive-aggression, introspection, ideation, competitive vs
cooperative activities, introversion vs extroversion, play
therapy, anorexia, bulemia, incidence of homosexuality, androgyny, the
orgasm male and female, sexual disorders, impotence, homophobia,
hierarchies of values, self-actualization, lieben und arbeiten, learning
disorders, thought disorders, personality disorders, character disorders,
adolesence, child psychology, couple therapy, artificial intelligence,
reality testing, socialization, deviance, adjustment, psychopathy, sociopathy, empathy vs sympathy, genetic components, nature vs nature,
personality types, trait psychology, functioning, differentiation,
maturation, sexual differentiation, tolerance, alternative lifestyles and
a whole bunch of other concepts banging around in my poor head --though
they certainly did not originate there- waiting for their next exorcism.
There I would have sat, I guess, (and this is just one example of
course) in my little house on the prairie, being far more concerned with
"concrete" matters --which of course I would not refer to as "concrete"
matters or "reality", raising my pigs and cows and sheep, fending off what
I'd probably refer to as "wild injuns", reading -if I could read--maybe a
family bible handed down over the generations, digging the wells, paying
the preacher and the teacher, planting the crops, saying my prayers.and
trying not to get involved with those more rootless folks who were
interested in stealing all of my hard-won property.--the outlaws.
Of course I guess it's equally possible --pardon the American framework
here
but I am an American and there ARE worse frameworks---that I could have
been
born one of those 'wild injuns', in which case I'd probably be concerned
with hunting my buffalo, building my tepees, praying to the Great Spirit,
defending my lands
against the incursions of these white barbarians, negotiating the
seasons,
building my canoes, tending to the animals, smoking my peace pipe or
eating
my peyote buttons in search of visions and a bunch of other Native
American
things which likewise had nothing to do with Modern Psychology or
Psychiatry.
I don't know if things, alas, were better then. Certainly we live a lot
longer, if
SOME of this can be called living. Certainly we're more apt to benefit
from modern
medicine, though I find that negotiating one's way through some of the
labyrinths
of so-called health care takes far more skill than most online iq tests,
to say
the very least. On the other hand, perhaps, most of what we learned is
sort of,
well, uh, ahem...crap? Hm..ahem..well..cough..I'm not sure.
Still I guess...I like this time and place and..I'm not one to go back
to playing cowboys and Indians, or Jews and Nazis for that matter. If I am
civilized and discontented, well then I am civilized and discontented,so
what? That's the way I
am and more importantly,that's the way WE are. We are flawed, we are
wordy,
we engage in "meaningless" disputes-so what? We are who we are, which
sucks
of course a lot of the time but is not only okay, but I guess,
inevitable..As I said in my title "It's Only High IQ Drivel But I Like
It..I Like it (I Guess?).
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Thought You Might Like To
See This -
Paul Nachbar
My father told me
several years ago, a couple of years before he passed away from a
heart-attack that it was time for me to stop being the "angry young man",
and that in fact, "angry young men" went out of style in the 1960's.
I could neither fully accept nor reject such a remark, because it
contained
a grain of truth, if not the whole truth and because my father was my
father
and I only had one father. Of course the remark was, in and of itself,
both
condescending to me as well as intolerant and unaccepting of my thoughts
and
feelings. My thoughts and feelings were okay, chez mon pere, if I
expressed
them in an organized and appropriate fashion. That is to say, he was not
a completely awful father, just a practical one. Still towards the end of
his
life, my father--who complimented me very rarely - told me that I was on
"another level" from him and could "beat him at every game." Now what of
course does that have to do with being an "angry young man" and what does
THAT have to do with anything else?
When you are mature and self-satisfied, aware of your limitations
etc.etc
you are supposed to give up "the angry young man", perhaps even exorcise
him
or even, at times scapegoat him when he appears somehow in some other
angry
young man whom you encounter. You are supposed to play it safe, be more
'conservative', adjust your expectations downward, give up certain "naive"
ideals, accept the lies and half-truths your family told you and stop
asking
fundemanetal questions about the nature of "reality". Oh yeah, to be more
"concrete", you are also supposed to cut one's hair to a reasonable
length,
get rid of "that beard", stop smoking, drinking, drugging or whatever
other
"self-destructive" habits you have and just sit at that vast card game of
the bourgeoisie (the angry young man's term for it, usually), putting up a
poker face in order to maximize one's individual earnings and minimize
one's
losses.
Well, dad, wherever you are right now --and I think that that is
nowhere,
given my absence of certain beliefs ---I think that you are wrong. Most of
the time, I am not the "angry young man" any longer, any more than I am a
teenager,
a child or a foetus but that is still a part of my identity and I will not
abandon it in the interests of collective peace, the greatest good for the
greatest number, what affluent housewives deem appropriate, or whatever
rating
systems exist for the creative and intellectual work that I produce. That
is,
whereas I now ask questions which are not simply fundamental questions and
spent more time on my budgeting of resources than previously, as well as
seeing the "other's point of view", I am still angry, and that is a source
of my energy. Without my "inner angry young man", I'm just a middle-aged
professor manque or else somebody merely going through a "transitional
period" before he adjusts to "reality" and goes back to school in order to
get a "real profession" eg., not just being a part-time poet. And this is
something that I refuse to do.
I also do not wish to scapegoat other "angry young men" who have
reached
conclusions quite different from my own and who are, in terms of global
politics, my natural enemy. Whereas I blamed other parties for the
injustices,
absurdities and idiocies of the world, I find these other "angry young
men"
blaming my stock and my nation and my self-interest and although I find
their statistics a bit off and their interpretations of such statistics
quite narrow-minded, I still applaud their anger because "the world" is
a place which is in many ways injust, absurd and idiotic. Also because I
on some level am no more innocent than the individuals and groups I once
blamed. If I had once, with long theses and many angry social gestures,
blamed
the "Nazis" and the "bourgeoisie" or the "religious right" for the world's
problems, others, with similarly long theses blamed the so-called
"Communists"
"the Jews" , the "left-leaning media". As a more mature historian of
society,
I see now that both arguments were rather fallacious, but anger is kind of
beyond reasonable proof and beyond this for some reasons which are
actually good and perfectly moral ones--maybe "too" moral in some ways.
I write my poems as my dayjob and I generally eschew organized
politics
of any kind. Poetry gives one insight into the individual human heart and
all hearts --no matter what the social masks which conceal them---are
pretty
much the same.But I do not eschew the reasons for the anger--the
injustices,
idiocies and absurdities--or really wish to censor extreme "points of
view"
in this regard because, whatever the truth value of their statements, the
anger is pretty much the same.Without this anger, of course, there is no
change or else, only the changes which emerge from the trickle-down
effects
of unleashed capitalism., which are both good and bad. Thus I cannot
escape politics, though I disavow the usual politics of any group, which
stems from self-interest. Boy, what a life,eh?
A few years ago, a woman whom I did not get "involved" wtih but
probably
had some interest in marrying me asked the question, "when will Paul
finally
settle DOWN?" Well, I guess due to time and entropy and a collection of
old battle scars, I have settled down somewhat but I guess the
real-belated- answer to this question is, "Oh yeah...probably when I drop
dead. And you?"
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World Trade Center Issues - JONATHAN MARIN
WORLD TRADE CENTER MEMORIAL:
What is the scarcest, most precious, most sought after commodity in
downtown Manhattan? What does downtown need more than anything else? ?
Parking!!
Why not dedicate one corner of the WTC site to be a huge multistory
parking garage? Each space should have the name of one of the victims
neatly painted in the family's color of choice at the head of the space,
filling the whole width between the yellow lines. For families who prefer
to memorialize their loved one with something a liittle more formal, a
tasteful bronze plaque should be provided to them at cost. Also,
accredited family members should be entitled to park there free for 15
years. That’s more than reasonable, and should prevent any of them griping
about appropriateness.
SURVIVING SPOUSES
Among the groups whose long term future income has been adversely
affected by the trade center attack, there’s one group that scarcely gets
a mention. Divorce lawyers. Most of the 2,800 victims were married. Since
half of all marriages end in divorce, the 9/11 attack prevented at least a
thousand divorces.
In an average divorce, about a third of the community property goes
to pay the lawyers. Obviously, the attack saved about half of the men who
lost their wives from having to live for years in a furnished room,
cooking on a hot plate and scrimping to pay child support. Or living under
an assumed name and constantly dodging to stay clear of the "Deadbeat
Dads" squads. It saved half of the women from trying to raise latchkey
children, scrounging to make ends meet on a single mother’s income
supplemented by inadequate or nonexistent child-support.
Even without a dime of settlement, the attack was, for half the
surviving spouses, the biggest windfall they’ll ever have. Some of the
winners probably know who they are, most probably don’t. But you can’t
argue with statistics. I suggest that one sixth (a half of a third) of all
the settlements that spouses get from the government and the Red Cross
should go to a fund for needy divorce lawyers. Fair is fair.
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Jon's Auto-Chef - JONATHAN MARIN
In the spirit of my
junkmail-driven perpetual motion machine, I offer:
Jon's Auto-Chef
Components:
1. A
microwave oven.
2. A treadmill, with heating elements under a flexible metalized belt.
3. An AC generator, powered
by the treadmill, feeds current to run
the oven, which
heats the elements beneath the belt.
Operation:
Place the
treadmill in the oven.
Place the
chicken on the treadmill.
Close the
door.
As the
chicken walks on the treadmill belt, it
generates electricity that
powers the oven and
heats up the belt.
The faster
she goes, the hotter it gets.
The hotter
it gets, the faster she goes.
Without any
external energy source, the chicken cooks herself!!
Caution: Not suitable for fish or walrus.
Not
suitable for horses or other hoofed creatures.
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Fun Fun Fun
-
Quinn Tyler Jackson
From one of my weekly
lecture notes -- the week dealing with
productivity and workplace comfort... In
application development jargon, today means tomorrow morning.
Tomorrow means next week. Next week means in about a month. In about a
month means, "Are you kidding me?" Expressions such as "First Quarter
Next Year," are the kiss of death. Well, not exactly, but you get the
idea. The best laid plains of mice and men often went awry before
there was any such thing as computers.
Especially in small shops, many things are going on at the same time.
Phones are ringing with support calls. If you are a coder, and have to
answer the phone to discuss what a help file already explains, you may
lose one or two hours of productivity for that day. Once you get your
rhythm back ... the phone rings again. You pick it up. The software is
causing a General Protection Fault on the latest version of the
operating system. You take down the details. Two hours later (and
fifteen minutes before it's time to head home), you are back into your
groove. Welcome to one of the reasons behind "tomorrow means next
week."
So,
you ask for an office with a door. Sorry. That would mean you were
management or something. You ask to be able to put incoming calls
directly to your box. No—the customer comes before anything else. If you
are a stellar developer, try petitioning for a comfortable chair. You
may get that. Pretend it's a door.
This is not to imply that management is cruel. Simply put, the
programmer is the low mask on the totem pole, and if you get a door, and
management doesn't give everyone on the floor a door, you will
earn a lot of enemies amongst your peers. Management is simply looking out
for your best interests.
Is
it any wonder that "next month" also means, "My back hurts"?
Respect is something you earn. A door is some-thing you dream about.
Productivity is something management insists on. Next week is the
place dreams are made on. Now you know why coffee was invented. It
powers the software industry, for if we sleep, we dream, and if we
dream, next week catches up with us and we have to roll on that
product we promised just before the phone rang.
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